Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Anybody for a Beer?

I feel like a real slacker. I just saw a picture in the paper of a fellow in Edmonton with this huge stack of crated beer can empties in his backyard. According to the caption the stack represents some eleven thousand plus cold ones. The proud owner of the empties, one Lonnie Rennie, is happy to have us know that he is a good guy who recycles and that he is just waiting for the truck to pick up the over 450 cases of empties from the beer consumed by he and his friends over the past year.

My first instinct was to look to see if there was any sign of a catheter tube or plastic bag hanging from his belt. But that was before I began to get scientific about the whole thing and actually work the math.

You see, I first saw the reference to one year and immediately, without even thinking about it, knew that represented 30.136986301 plus beers per day. However, objectivity began to filter in and I remembered the mention of friends. There appear to be five other individuals on the back porch of the house, way down at the other end of the long line of stacked up cases. Now with six consumers that brings it way, way down to only 5.0228 (again instantly computed) cans per person per day. Of course, that still means working at it seven days a week and no time off for holidays (though somehow I expect with these guys that consumption actually goes up on holidays).

Now I got out my magnifying glass and strained my eyes to try to tell what these guys were drinking. It's a newspaper photo so resolution is a challenge. However, I could read a few labels on the ends of the cases in the foreground. There seemed to be quite a few cases of Canadian, some Ice, some Coors Light (gotta watch the waistline) and at least one case of Kokanee.

I suppose that if someone insisted I could drink five cans of beer a day, but I am not at all sure that I would want to do it in the constant company of five other people who were also each drinking a minimum of five cans a day. Somehow I think that I would lose my party spirit by about the end of the first week.

It seems obvious to me that these guys are in desperate need of a change of brand. I love beer. I really enjoy drinking it. However, for me the pleasure is in savouring it not swilling it. It doesn't really get better after the third bottle - you just think that it does.

Anyway, if Lonnie or any of his friends want to e-mail me I would be happy to suggest any one of forty or fifty brands from around the world which have a capacity to satisfy before they stupefy.

1 comment:

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